The Doldrums

I very vividly remember the day in grade school when I was introduced to The Phantom Tollbooth where Milo finds himself in the saddest, most depressing and colorless place - known as the Doldrums. 

As a kid, there's no way I could relate. My life was filled with pizza parties and riding bikes to the pool where I'd overdose on artificially colored and oh-so-delicious firecracker popsicles complete with cheesy jokes at the finish. 

But today, I have finally found the Doldrums. Today, day two of my new, very strictly regimented eating schedule. I don't know if I mention this too much on the ol' blog because the blog is supposed to be a happy place - a land of buttery baked goods and highlights of my mostly quite plain life. 

The SparkNotes version - I got a trainer in August. He's the love of my life. Not in that way, he's married. He's just changed every single bit of my life and I can't imagine my life without him - that qualifies if you ask me.

 But anywho, progress has been slow lately (probs because of the posts you see on this very blog) and I'm on probation. I've also been told I'm not eating enough protein and now food has kind of become a big numbers game and numbers are not my thang. Chocolate and pork product and cheese are my thang.

I guess protein alone wouldn't be so bad, but when you factor in trying to keep it all under 1,2000 a day - that's basically protein, protein, protein, with enough calories leftover for a piece of lettuce or a radish. 

So, if you could imagine the saddest, darkest, rainiest part of your heart. I'm there. 

They say it will be worth it. They say eventually your tongue will fall off and you won't crave tasty food anymore. (Okay, no they don't, but they really should because that would be the best case scenario.)

But don't worry, to make matters worse, I'm elbow-deep in wedding dessert table prep, so I'll have plenty of bites and tastes within a fingertip's reach to taunt, tease, and test me. 

I deserve it though - I have admittedly had several "last meals" in preparation for this because I knew in the back of my mind all of my bad behavior couldn't go on without punishment forever... 

Let's reflect while I try to remember happier times...

Like that time Joey and I celebrated his belated birthday by each ordering a duck at Peking Gourmet Inn. I look excited but Onelia looks pretty disgusted by us.

Like that time I was working in Alexandria so naturally I had to get some fish and chips from Eamonn's... and eat it all because you can't just let amazing tartar sauce go to waste. And because french fries. 

Or that time you heard about Wendy's having Ghost Pepper fries and you decide that was basically Wendy's laying down the gauntlet/smackdown/hotpepper challenge, which is something I have never shied away from... so I went straight from the gym to Wendy's where I consumed what you see here. And any fries you have to eat with a fork I can guarantee you, are a thousand times worse for you than fries you can manage with just your fingers. 

I almost died after consuming this. Not from spice - because sorry Wendy's it wasn't spicy, but from my heart almost giving out on me from the cheese/sauce overload. But did I stop? Never.

Like I said, things are different now. I love the gym and the burn and all of that jazz. So in a sense, I've reached my goal. I'm having a great time. But I guess when you have a trainer, they like to set goals beyond getting you to the gym 7 days a week. Blarg. 

Challenges:

When I'm at a restaurant and physically have to make the words "a side of broccoli" come out of my mouth instead of "french fries are fine." Eating the broccoli is absolutely fine, ordering it is impossible. 

Those Black-Hole days when you've eaten everything in the world and you're still hungry.

Having to get in 80+ grams of protein in a day. 

(And I absolutely refuse to be a protein-shake-intense-gym person.)

When you have to work out when you're hungry.

When you have to make food when you're hungry.

When you intend to meal prep but eat all of your meals for snacks because well, they're already made and you're hungry ALL OF THE TIME.

I miss cheese. 

I think this is all going pretty well. 

My lunch every day is a side of this and about 500 pounds of lean protein. At least seems like 500 pounds of lean protein. I've quickly found out being full is one thing and being satisfied is a completely different beast. 

Obsessions:

Bison. Tons of protein and low in calories. That's what I like to see.

Jack's Special Medium Salsa - adds flavor to anything. I don't even miss tortilla chips. I throw it on my eggs every morning, salmon, chicken, all of it. 

Ruby's Rockets pops - I'm partial to their Rock-It Red - popsicles made with strawberries, beets, carrots, bananas, and sweet potatoes. Sounds a little crazy, but not really. At 25 calories a pop, I will take all. of. them. I have this for dessert every night. 

Farro. I love love love this grain. Quinoa is so last year. Farro is filling, fewer calories and did I mention filling? I make a batch of farro every week with black beans, spinach, and mushrooms and throw that in with my eggs and salsa for breakfast - kind of like a breakfast burrito-less bowl. Once cooked, it becomes naturally kind of creamy - so no butter or oil is needed. Beyond being an ancient whole grain, it's really a miracle grain.

Coffee with all the fixings. I've been able to give up most things, but this is something I cannot flex on. My first cup of coffee must have sugar and half and half. I'll sometimes be able to rock out a black coffee in the afternoon if I'm feeling especially grown up that day, but I need to be eased into my day and black coffee sounds terrifying first thing in the morning. 

Thanks for reading. We'll be back to our regularly scheduling programing tomorrow. Because the only way to combat the doldrums is to bake. And I'm going to bake until my heart starts pumping rainbows and unicorns through my bloodstream again. Phew.