The Tinder Man.

Anyone in the same boat as I am (closer-to-thirty-than-I'd-like-to-think-about and alone) should be familiar with Tinder. I guess you could call it a dating site, but it's really a cliffnotes version of Facebook for singles. You get a few photos, an age, and a name and you get to swipe for a "skip" or a "like" and if you both swipe "like" then it lets you message each other. Yay!

In my time on Tinder, I've come up with a few conclusions about your average Tinder male.

1. Description says, "True beauty is within." Not so sure I'm buying that line when your profile picture looks like it could be a Calvin Klein underwear ad.

2. The intellectuals that call themselves "nerds" (read: I'm a male model that just put on a pair of glasses). Gets offended by the term "hipster."

3. Based on Tinder, every guy on this app knows how to do the following:

Sail a boat.

Fly a plane.

Ride a bike.

4. If you've ever caught a fish before, it's going in the profile.

Girls dig guys who can fish.

5. If you've ever gone skydiving before, it's going in the profile.

6. If you've ever participated in a race (traditional/zombie/mudder/spartan/foam/color) before, it's going in the profile.

7. Guy logic: Posing with ridiculously good looking girls will encourage women to like me.

Because these women like me and you should too.

Seriously.

Why does this make sense to you?

8. The "I'm single," but here's a picture of me and my girlfriend. (Even if she's not your girlfriend.)

Now is not the time to show off how much you love your gorgeous sister. Because she totally looks like your girlfriend, Bro. 

9. If you don't know what to do with your hands, just stick them out. (The male equivalent to the hands-on-hips-pose us ladies get so much crap for using.)

Because you are the wind beneath my wings.

Air out those pits boys!

10. Exploitation is always appropriate in the following categories:

Dogs.

Children.

Moms.

And Tigers...? (Apparently I'm not the only one who has caught on to the random tiger pictures phenomenon -> http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/02/unwritten-rules-tinder_n_3689441.html)

11. Score a celebrity endorsement whenever possible.

Because if Tucker Max approves of this guy, women will too!

Wrong.

Including the worst possible category of male selfie, that pretty much sums up every single guy on Tinder. 

Do I think this is an accurate reflection of what the dating pool looks like in the real world?

Yes.

Have I lost faith in humanity?

Yes.

Will I keep Tinder-ing?

Absolutely.